There is no difference externally between the 4 or 7 pins, you can use any year FICM on any year 6.0. I see no difference in failure rate really, they both fail. Both benefit from soldering the common break points. The board layout is a little different interally (thus the 4 and 7 pins). There are many different Ford flashes, some good, some not, some in between, and PHP can roll back to some of the better older stuff and mix in some of the new good features too. For tuning I know PHP does it, as does Innovative, and KEM. KEM is the most expensive from what I remember. They all kind of suggest going with FICM tuning from whoever does your normal tuning too, but not a necessity. The PHP Gryphon tuner is nice, since you can then change your FICM tuning as easily as you can with your SCT tuning. He loads 4 FICM tunes on, and you get the gryphon itself which is similar to the scangauge I believe. I think that runs like $400.
I would highly suggest making sure everything is in proper working order before trying to solve a starting problem by tuning the FICM. Most have noted rougher idle in cold weather with aggressive FICM tuning as well.
Have the batteries been load tested? The FICM itself has been tested and passed with 48V across all three circumstances? (key on, engine off/cranking/running?) When you turn the key can you hear the injectors buzz strongly?
When starting a 6.0 in really cold weather (at least in my case), I turn the key forward and listen to the FICM buzz the spool valves. I let them run through until they stop. I then cycle the key off and back on again and let them run another complete cycle to "pre-lube" the injectors. Once they've stopped I start the truck. I essentially pay no attention to the WTS light. It is usually off long before the injectors stop buzzing and the glow plugs are independent of that light anyways. You can easily tell how long the glow plugs are on for if you turn the headlights on against a garage or wall or something, when they get noticeably brighter, the glow plugs just went off. I've got a chart kicking around explaining glow plug on time, but probably not important right now.